::B::U::B::B::L::E::S:: [defined] Version 1.5

2003-03-22T00:23:00.000-08:00

[LAURYN]
I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style,
And so I came to see him and listen for a while.
And there he was this young boy, stranger to my eyes,
Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song.
I felt all flushed with fever,
Embarrassed by the crowd,
I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud.
I prayed that he would finish,
But he just kept right on strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song

[CLEF]
Yo L-Boogie, take it to the bridge

[LAURYN]
(Bust it)
Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song.
Strumming my pain with his finger, yeah he was . . .

killin me softly.........

2003-03-21T01:42:00.000-08:00

Greeting Cards for your EX'es

Read on....
Greeting cards messages

that you can send to your EX'es..

FRONT & INSIDE CARDS:

FRONT: As the days go by,

I think of how lucky I am
INSIDE: That you're not here

to ruin it for me.

FRONT: I've always wanted to have someone to hold,

someone to love.
INSIDE: After having met you,

I've changed my mind.

FRONT: I must admit,

you brought religion in my life.
INSIDE: I never believed in Hell

'till I met you.

FRONT: Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder:
INSIDE: What the hell was I thinking?

FRONT: I always wanted to be rich,

powerful, and well respected.
INSIDE: And while I'm dreaming,

I wish you weren't so damn ugly.

FRONT: When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.
INSIDE: Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time for you

you kept your promise.

FRONT: I'm so miserable without you,
INSIDE: It's almost like you're here.

FRONT: If you ever need a friend...
INSIDE: Buy a dog.

2003-03-21T01:06:00.000-08:00

DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* [Guys take note.]
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

got it here from sis Butterfly's blog.
Its really cute

2003-03-17T22:21:00.000-08:00

mga quotes sa tabi tabi na feel ko lng ipost
-o-
nasaktan ako ng magbago ka.. nasaktan ako ng balewalain mo.. nasaktan ako ng d mo pansinin.. nasaktan ako ng magmahal ka ng iba.. pero ito lang masasabi ko sayo \"KAPAL NG MUKHA MONG SAKTAN AKO...\"
kapal tlga.. as in sobra.. hangkapal...............

-o-
sabi nila manhid ka daw.....
kasi ndi mo feel na mahal kita....
d lang ako kumibo...
pero nalungkot din ako.. habang cnasabi ko...
ndi un manhid....
ndi lang talaga nya ako mahal....
hano pa nga ba..

-o-
maybe you see me...
as someone strong....
and firm...
that i can withstand pain and suffering...
that i am indestructable...
can u look closely...
im not that strong....
i need u..
i just hope u need me too..

-o-
isang araw, may magtatapat sa iyo.... sasabihin niya... "alam mo, mahal kita..." at pag dumating yung araw na un na magtapat siya sa iyo, promise mo sa akin... na hindi mo ko pagtatawanan ha... ?
wala lng ang cute nya eh

-o-
the first time i saw u ...
it was the first time i ever felt incomplete
when will u complete me?

-o-
bakit pag may gusto tayo,
kelangan iwanan natin yung iba para lang makuha yon?
pero pag anjan na,
tsaka mo lang malalaman...
na yung taong iniwan mo,
ay minsan na ring iniwan ang lahat para lang sayo.
never know what u got till its gone

-o-
someday, i can hurt you with what i might say.
and i can hurt you again ang again.
and when i do tell you to leave me and go away,,
promise me you won't listen..
tell me you'll stay...
aieeeeeeeee.. crap..

-o-

mahirap palang magmahal sa dalawang tao,, nakakalito.
isang bahagi ng buhay mo ngayon, yung isa bahagi ng nakaraan mo.
ang masakit nga lang, yung NGAYON ayaw mong saktan.
yung NAKARAAN, gusto mong balikan.
pero bakit ka magkakaroon ng ngayon kung dapat nikalimutan mo na ung nakaraan?

-o-
* Today i give you 12 roses , 11 of them are real , and the last one is fake , and i will love u until that last rose dies.
naxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

-o-

and a poem from neruda

clenched soul
pablo neruda

We have lost even this twilight.
No one saw us this evening hand in hand
while the blue night dropped on the world.

I have seen from my window
the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.

Sometimes a piece of sun
burned like a coin in my hand.

I remembered you with my soul clenched
in that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?
Who else was there?
Saying what?
Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
when I am sad and feel you are far away?

The book fell that always closed at twilight
and my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.

Always, always you recede through the evenings
toward the twilight erasing statues.

aieeeeeeee badtrip
nahack ung account ko sa neopets...

good bye 500,000 NPs (shucks robbery tlga)
I swear imma earn it all again

2003-03-16T20:44:00.000-08:00

O man! Take heed! What saith deep midnight's voice indeed? "I slept my sleep-, "From deepest dream I've woke, and plead:-

"The world is deep, "And deeper than the day could read. "Deep is its woe-, "Joy- deeper still than grief can be:

"Woe saith: Hence! Go! "But joys all want eternity-, "-Want deep, profound eternity!"

it was God Himself who, at the end of His day's work, coiled Himself up in the form of a serpent at the foot of the tree of knowledge.

He recovered from being a God. . . . He had made everything too beautiful...

The devil is simply God's moment of idleness at the end of that seventh day.

immortalizing vasco's words in my blog.

oh well.. sis delisyus im not pretty.. im just an old hag..

2003-03-15T01:39:00.000-08:00

culled from a bon jovi song

If you don't love, lie to me,
cause baby you're the one thing I believe
Let it all fall down around us if that's what's meant to be.
Right now if you don't love me baby, lie to me

i wish

and oh.. here is what I did to my wrist

he called me bitch.. might as well live with it.
his words slash thru me more painfully though..

2003-03-15T01:16:00.000-08:00

nobody knows me.. heres a spoonful of me..
nah.. it doesnt make sense actually
------------------GENERAL INFO------------------

First Name: Rozabelle
Nickname: Bubbles
School : University of Santo Tomas
Location: *gone*
Email address: femmefatale@crazysexycool.com
Colour of eyes: hazel
Hair: brown
Height: 5'5''
Shoe Size: 8 1/2
Brothers/Sisters: Maria Kristabelle and Noelle Christian

------------------FAVORITES------------------
Missed school Bus: yeah a lot of times.
Put a body part on fire for amusement: nope...
Been in a car accident: i wish.
Been hurt emotionally: always.
Kept a secret from everyone: yeah..
Had an imaginary friend: nope.. my pc probably
Cried during a Movie: Yes of corz...
Had a crush on a teacher: nope
Ever thought an animated character was hot: yeah.. tamahome and hotohori.. and yuuhi.. and lots of em
Been on stage: yeah.. of course
Cut your hair: yeah.. clipped it back then when i was in rage
Been sarcastic: always....

Shampoo: Any...
Soap:Dove
Color/s:Lavander
Day/Night?: Night .
Summer/Winter?: Winter
Cartoon Characters: everythin anime
Fave Food: ice cream
Fave Advert: Mismo
Fave Movie: Hackers, Mastermind...
Fave Ice Cream:double dutch
Fave Subject: English

Wearing: school uniform
I'm feeling: fucked up
Eating: nothin
Drinking: nothin
Thinking about: my life...
Listening to: ex factor
Talking to: myself

---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------

Cried: Yeah...fuck
Worn a skirt: yuf
Met someone new: Yeah...
Cleaned your room: nah
Done laundry: yeah
Drove a car:nah

---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------

Yourself: nah...
Your friends: nah
Santa Claus: who does?
Tooth Fairy: nope
Angels: nah
UFOs: yeah

-----------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: nope
Like anyone?:yeah..
Who do you go to for advice: some of em
Who do you cry with: All...
When you cried the most: hell now
What's the best feeling in the world: being dead...
Worst Feeling: like.. oh shit.. as in now..
--

hell.. crazy me.. another worthless webspace

2003-03-12T18:18:00.000-08:00

Are you ready for the snow to fall? there must be more to love than this... The long-term torture, short-term blisss. But am I ready for the snow to fall?

Now that we are long apart, Still we nurse our broken hearts. Our conversations stilted, stark. The scars of love have left their mark...

...Or have we ever loved at all? Are you ready for the snow to fall?

I dunno who u are.. but I owe u these lines.. thanks a lot... *sigh*

2003-03-12T15:53:00.000-08:00

STAY

I want you to stay
Never go away from me
Stay forever
But now, now that you're gone
All I can do is pray for you
To be here beside me again

Why did you have to leave me
When you said that love will conquer all
Why did you have to leave me
When you said that dreaming
Was as good as reality

And now I must move on
Trying to forget all the memories
Of you near me
But I can't let go of your love
That has taught me to hold on

I want you to stay never go away from me
Stay forever

But now,now that you're gone
All I can do is pray for you
To be here beside me again

I want you to stay never go away from me, stay forever
I want to stay but I have to go my way wooh
Wooh,wooh,wooh,ooh

2003-03-11T17:13:00.000-08:00

dear you

just wanted to greet u a happy day. happy in the sense that ull have everything that u want, everyone u love and the one u hate wont bother u anymore. but i guess that last one wont happen coz im here trying to call ur much valued attention. i guess i was just being so stupid

you are stupid too. u didnt know what promise mean what forever imply. i just hung out on ur every word and breathe ur presence. i was wrong to depend on u. now that u left me in ruins, without any before hand warnings, i lie devastated

i cant ask u what was wrong wit me that made u change ur love bcoz i know that ur reason is everything is wrong with e. i was so bobo o even believe that u loved me. worse was give my love for u. that was all i had and u were so selfish to take it waway from me.

the times i had with u were pure happiness. those were the most unforgettable moments of my entire life.. but i know its too good to be true.. still thanks for the time that u acted that u loved me.. i was happy then

remember when we were talking on the fone and i kept mumbling that its so dark and creepy from where i stood and u just told me that ure always there to hold my hand and everythings gonna be alright? now that u left me, i stand in solityde, in the solace of shadows with the palm of ur hand nowhere in sight.

i was there when u were down or upset or just needing somebody to talk to. i painstakingly listened to every word u had to say, every detail of ur horrible past. i embraced the truth of ure being, accepted u for hu u r. i guess it was purely one sided relationshp

my one wish is that u shud have said it straight to my face that u dont love me anymore.. or that u never loved me anyhow. it might hurt me and cause me so much pain yes, but at least i knew wat had transpose. i will have an idea where the relationship ended if there really was any. its triple the catastrophe to just leave me. well asa pa ko

i know u will never be able to know how it feels even see me in my misery. i just wish that i would be the girl that u love the way that i have loved unot because i want to feel ur love again, but because ill have the power to hurt u, the way u have hurt me!!!

2003-03-10T22:44:00.000-08:00

musings to myself

Ano bang problema mo? Debarred ka na alam mo ba yon? You are fucking screwed! screwed man screwed.... hay.. yun na nga eh.. I dunno what the hell is my problem, basta alam ko lng. I dont want to go on living. I dont want anything to do with my life anymore. I am a FAILURE.

Gusto ko na talaga inuntog ang sarili ko sa pader.. As in now na.. As in sana magising ako.. Im failing not only myself. but my dad and my mom's as well. Bat ganon? I just lost my will to live and be someone revered and respected. I have lost the will to make good of something that I have. I lost the will to excel. I dunno why.. I feel like crying. hell yeah.. im crying.. right here in a public place.. Bakit dito? Bakit sa pc ako nakikipagusap about my frustrations? Pathetic ka tlga bubz.. you dont have a life. pero un na nga eh.. I dont have a life.. so whats the point of going for it? What is the point of all of this?

kelan ba ko nagsimulang magkaganito?
*sigh*

simula ng iwan nya ko

Well, I guess I'm trying to be Non-chalant about it And I'm going to extremes To prove I'm fine without you But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind Underneath the guise of a smile Gradually, I'm dying inside Friends ask me how I feel And I lie convincingly 'Cause I don't want to reveal The fact that that I'm sufferin So, I wear my disguise 'Til I go home at night And turn down all the lights

And then I break down and cry

Originally posted by Lestat_xxvi
Shattered

Cast the weight of your frustration,
blow the angst of your hatred,

I just don't know what to do with myself,
let the wind cry for me, I 've stopped already.

I am shattered, a crime no one can bear.
Bleeding inside, the cold runs dry.

Shattered, is all I have become.
The world watches- alone..quiet..not saying a thing.

Take the knife, cut me deep.
See the hollowness in me.

Shattered, is all I have become.
Cry for me.

2003-03-09T22:42:00.000-08:00

Taking the test

Your Existing Situation
Dissatisfied. The need to escape continued involvement with her present circumstances makes it imperative for her to find some solution.
Hell Yeah i'm dissatisfied.

Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.
I never thought color quizzes can be this accurate..

Your Restrained Characteristics
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense, leaving her rather isolated in her attachments.
Clings to her belief that her hopes and ideas are realistic, but needs encouragement and reassurance. Applies very exacting standards to her choice of a partner and wants guarantees against loss or disappointment.
Im egocentric.. awww shit.. thats like a slap in the face.. THAT IS REAL in yer fez statement

Your Desired Objective
Seeks success. Wants to overcome obstacles and opposition and to make her own decisions. Pursues her objectives single-mindedly and with initiative. Does not want to feel dependent on the good will of others.
Who doesnt?

Your Actual Problem
Needs to be valued and respected as an exceptional individual, in order to increase her self-esteem and her feeling of personal worth. Resists mediocrity and sets herself high standards.
errrr.. CORRECT I cant agree more

Now what the heck.. Its just a personality test. Its like No BiG DeAL!

hmf

2003-03-09T18:18:00.000-08:00

As I walk to the valley of the shadow of death...

My classmates started to ask me if I'm okay.. OR if I'm having some sort of problems at home or just about any problem. I could only shrug them off or simply pass a glance of nonchalance.

Its funny that my friend actually told me that she was afraid that one of these days.. I might summon the courage and go to the place of the unliving. I told her that she need not worry because I will stop by to bid goodbye on my way there.

Fact is, I wish I was dead. That I have the guts to do and shoot myself. I dont know how I am going to contain the wrath condemned inside me. But it scares me.. Have I actually showed to the people that I am a pathetic suicidal? Have I flaunted my anger? my hatred? my solitud and paranoia eating up my every thought and action? But I see my own self suffering an influx of eerie desolation.. and fatal despair.

The emptiness of a blank space reminds me of the place where I'm headed to. Utter Oblivion. It reminds me of the insignificance of my dismal and pathetic existence. Why do I still endure when I will not prevail? My vision only lingers on the blood and gore of my own humanity.

I want to scream and wail thinking why I should be here? I am sorry that I am a failure. Im sorry that I lost grip on my own sanity. Point your finger in damnation of me and I will accept it.

2003-03-06T23:59:00.000-08:00

Online Suicide?

check out Vasco's blog..
or read more about the guy who committed it here

awww sad

2003-03-05T20:24:00.000-08:00

Are you Addicted to the Internet?

97/B>

L33T H@x0r (81% - 100%)
You live and breathe the Internet. You rarely leave your computer(s) for fear of going through withdrawl. You are beginning to say "lol" and "brb" in verbal conversations and you haven't seen your friends face-to-face in months if you don't count their web cams. Maybe it is time to back away from the computer slowly and go get some fresh air? The Internet will be here when you get back!

The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Stvlive.com!

nakaw ko sa blog ni Akasha
need I say more?

2003-03-04T02:00:00.000-08:00

You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely
devoted to others,especially that one
person.You really can't get them out of your
head,but then,you don't really want to.

What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

nakaw sa blog ni delisyus khet nde nya me kilala

2003-03-04T01:19:00.000-08:00

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her? The night is shattered and she's not with me... My soul isn't satisfied that it has lost her... I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her. Love is short, forgetting is so long.

- Pablo Neruda

2003-03-01T00:46:00.000-08:00

one quotable quote

so many boys, so little minds

tingin ulet sa tala

2003-02-28T19:50:00.000-08:00

I am in school. Darn right here in the computer laboratory. One of the rare occasions we can just go right on and surf the net. And what am I still thinking? Damn right you know who it is.. ^^

*sigh*

2003-02-27T21:09:00.000-08:00

I was reading this earlier, in the midst of my tears..

wala
nakatanga na namn
nantay isend ung pinaayos na pic
[_EdgE_]> HeHeHe
[_EdgE_]> iniisip mo ako noh
[_EdgE_]> naksssssssss
[_EdgE_]> HeHeHe
[_EdgE_]> :p
haha
piling
muahz
<[_EdgE_]> syempre
<[_EdgE_]> alam ko naman eh
<[_EdgE_]> kaw din kse iniisp ko
<[_EdgE_]> :)
<[_EdgE_]> love u
lolz
love u too
muahz

this was from the better days.
the days i am longing for....

bitter ass me

2003-02-27T20:24:00.000-08:00

He broke up with me. Again.

Im so stupid right? I keep on giving him the chances to hurt me when it shouldve ended it right long ago. I've been trying to free myself just because of the hope that we will be together again. But look at how pathetic I am now?
I LOVE HIM and Ive never been anything but that to him.

Now I really have the reason to kill myself.

2003-02-26T23:27:00.000-08:00

waahhh... when will he make pansin me ba??

*sigh*

2003-02-23T01:47:00.000-08:00

I miss him.

Wish he would forgive me na...

*sigh*

2003-02-22T21:53:00.000-08:00

The haxor handle of bubbles is "Blu3 Cr1m1n@l".

haha.. nakaw ko sa blog ni

2003-02-21T04:59:00.000-08:00

*sigh*
I dont know what his problem with me is, but I have lots of problems to face now.. and I was hoping I'd somehow keep in touch with him for at least moral support.. but it seems I cant get that from him. Hindi nya ko pinapansin and I dont have any idea what to do.. I shouldve been dead now, hadn't I thought about him and what we could be. Ewan ko.. hindi ko na tlga alam ang gagawen ko

hay
bubbletz tingin muna sa tala

2003-02-19T22:09:00.000-08:00

Bubbles committed suicide

2003-02-19T18:41:00.000-08:00

AFFIDAVIT OF LONGING

I, _________, Filipino, of legal age with legal residence at __________________, after having been witness to the maddening rush of singles out to find a date on Valentine’s Day, after heckling them as headless chickens with a silly priority, after having narrowly escaped a stoning by these same singles after uttering that aforementioned remark, after having been sworn, do hereby declare and depose that:

1. I am a steeled, calloused woman, a small player in a game the big boys play, but a player nonetheless.

2. As such, I scoff at the cutesy stuff and do not spend precious time engaging in trite discussions on the merits of such weightless matters as where I can find a date, will he call or does he like me. To the best of my ability, I endeavor to rid my mind of such folly. Desperately.

3. I fully comprehend and wholly accept the crass commercialism of Valentine’s Day. I realize that it is a concept exploited, abused and capitalized – in the complete sense of the word – by greeting card companies, restaurants, hotels and mattress makers.

4. Despite the above, I am still a fool for romance.

5. I am a pushover for moonlit talks, fresh flowers, impulsive gifts and tender, clever words of endearment. I dream of pony rides for two in a faraway place, of sheltering beneath a soft blanket against the cold night wind, of taking long walks on a beach at sunset and of a hand to hold.

6. I contend that these shallow thrills reveal a deeper emotion, a secret wish common to the vast majority of single twenty-somethings. As part of the aforementioned category, I further contend that this wish may be pared down to a longing for a hand to hold.

7. With this, I assert that longing is a state of the mind and heart, a somewhat wrenching proposition, but a condition that may be alleviated by diversions unique to the individual. It is a state that normally ends when a person has found someone to whom he can devote all of his time, passion and energy.

8. For the record, I am not in a state of longing. But having sifted through the serene albeit grudging wisdom of the dumped, the insightful and sometimes catty discussions of modern-day sages and my own eager experience, I discern and believe all I write to be true.

9. With the foregoing as guide, I do then gently advise that if by some favored chance, you meet the person with whom you can happily share a life, then by all means, do everything in your power and beyond to be a source of happiness to that person without sacrificing your sense of self.

10. Keep in mind though that the heart has its own cadence and voice and that its rhythms and reasons may never be unraveled. And though possession is nine-tenths ownership, in the realm of the senses and of the soul, the heart is free to leave when it desires.

11. This goes for you, too. For though you may have found someone, and even if that person be your soul mate, it is by no means a guarantee that you will cease to want.

12. Thus, in matters of the heart, teach yourself four things: to give of yourself, to rely on yourself, to temper expectations, and to simply accept.

13. What I have learned is timeless yet time-bound, acceding to your unique situation and circumstance. Like good wine, you can never have enough, it cannot possible quench all that you thirst for, and it can only be appreciated if you agree to taste.

14. This affidavit is executed to attest to the foregoing facts and for whatever purposes this may serve. On this day, and for the years to come, I wish you a hand to hold.

In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this 14th day of February 2003 in Manila, Philippines.

__________________
Affiant

Written by: Yvette Candice Gotianuy for her column "A Fine Mess",
Cebu Daily News, 16 February 1999.

got this from

2003-02-19T03:20:00.000-08:00

Oh darn.. Darn. Just how fucked up can my life get? >_<
First, baby is angry with me. Probably because of my friends continous teasing about this guy *bleep* and me. I dont know why they have to tease me with him because there is nothing going on. And I dont know why he should react to it violently, because I have chosen him. The guy was just a friend, asking me to have some kind of a date for valentines. And I have turned him off because I still didnt feel like it.. or rather I was still hoping we'd get back together again. And now we are back together, the guy would just go poof. I love him that much even if it sometimes kill me.

Now I didnt pass the varsitarian and what happens to me now? I dont know. Hell doomed.

And some sorry ass keeps on attacking me in my community. Err damnI dont have a reason to live anymore.. Call me pathetic but i really feel like ending this now. as in NOW.

*sigh*
But i keep holding on. if only for baby, i would not have existed a minute more. Hope we get this things right on.

2003-02-17T18:47:00.000-08:00

Version 1.5
Since baby and I are back together.. Im going to shun off the romantic imagism here in my blog for a while and go for Matrix Reloaded feel. I wouldn't change the background color of my blog boxes coz i love lavender.. and i dont care if it stands in contrast against the techno feel of matrix

And oh, just in case YOU read uhmm..
love you baby...

2003-02-15T05:27:00.000-08:00

Baby and I are back together again.
I have forgiven him for the things he has done, and I have kept my mouth shut on the grudges and doubts that I still have contained in my norm. Do I seem like I'm being too allowing on him? My friends point out that all the while that he had trampled on my pride, it was still easy for me to accept him back. That I have not forgotten the things he has done for me..

But I love him that much.
I just hope he does too....

2003-02-14T00:00:00.000-08:00

Song: Breakdown
Album: BUTTERFLY

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You called yesterday to basically say
That you care for me
But that you're just not in love
Immediately, I pretended
To be feeling similarly
And led you to believe I was OK
To just walk away from the one thing
That's unyielding and sacred to me

Well, I guess I'm trying to be
Non-chalant about it
And I'm going to extremes
To prove I'm fine without you
But in reality
I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile
Gradually, I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that that I'm suffering
So, I wear my disguise
'Til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry

So, what do you do
When somebody you're devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you
And it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection
Is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride
And sing "I Will Survive"
Do you lash out and say
"How dare you leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain
As they just slip away

Well, I guess I'm trying to be
Non-chalant about it
And I'm going to extremes
To prove I'm fine without you
But in reality
I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile
Gradually, I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that that I'm suffering
So, I wear my disguise
'Til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry

Well, I guess I'm trying to be
Non-chalant about it
And I'm going to extremes
To prove I'm fine without you
But in reality
I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile
Gradually, I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that that I'm suffering
So, I wear my disguise
'Til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry

Well, I guess I'm trying to be
Non-chalant about it
And I'm going to extremes
To prove I'm fine without you
But in reality
I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile
Gradually, I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that that I'm suffering
So, I wear my disguise
'Til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry

Well, I guess I'm trying to be
Non-chalant about it
And I'm going to extremes
To prove I'm fine without you
But in reality
I'm slowly losing my mind

Underneath the guise of a smile
Gradually, I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that that I'm suffering
So, I wear my disguise
'Til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry

got this from ate Megan's blog

You are blue. You are somewhat innocent, in the fact that your genius only extends to the physical world. You have a false sense of contentness. You are usually the quiet one, the genius. Everyone can count on you to help when they have problems, but you only fall short of being able to solve your own.

What inner color are you?

2003-02-09T23:14:00.000-08:00

my valentine background.. without further explanations whatsoever..

*sigh*

I am Yuna.. Now where is my goddamn Tidus?

2003-02-05T19:14:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it seems so pathetic that some people who you think are actual human beings turn out ot be undeveloped primates. They regard themselves as "human beings" but regret to prove to people that they are. It is bad enough that they are not showing the rest of their environments that they are humans but much worse is that they are brandishing their inhumane animalistic instints to the people around them. They spit vomit unto their monitors and don't even bother to clean up. They vandalize, they trashtalk and for what? Five seconds of fame? (read: PATHETIC)

Maybe its time to give some tribute to this special creatures existing here on earth. Its time to give back what is due. IE the next big thing in writing will write something about them (who else but me! hehe) i should be talking about things that are much worth my time and expertise (charing) but now.. focus on this creatures on earth existing not on my level.. but way down (can't stoop down to below sea level.. sorry)

Ill call them names.. dickheads, motherfuckers, bungholes, sonnuvabitchz, major league pain in the ass.. and what else? oohhh.. fucked and screwed noseholes plagued with giant boogers! eew!

This is what you get for messing with me? You hit the spotlight and prance around in ur tutu's. Who sucks now? err.. KISS mah AZZ!

2003-02-03T22:51:00.000-08:00

Poem Seen From Somewhere

Today, I start speaking to you.

You may not hear me.
You may not respond.
You may not react.
You may not advice.
You may not care at all.
But I still would.

Time does not stop,
So does my love.
I have long been wondering.
Does time move?
Or do we move through time?
In time you may read this
And know my thoughts, my feelings.

I pray that when that moment comes
When you find yourself
Caring for me,
Longing for me,
Loving me...

I'm not yet spending time with someone else...

2003-02-03T22:43:00.000-08:00

Playful

What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-02-02T22:34:00.000-08:00

New background!
Its tidus and yuna. *sigh*
This is what happens when I wallow in solitude.. I wish Im as pretty as Yuna.

2003-02-02T21:16:00.000-08:00

What is such value of this words upon this webpage that compels you to read it? If you are just reading this simply because you have nothing else better to do, I'm telling you, switch off the monitor. I dont think this page deserves your valuable time with this piece of crap.

Because you have reached this line, it is then safe to assume that you are ready to bear the nothingness in the rantings of a schizophrenic wallowing in paranoia. Why do such words of a cynic like me interest you so much? Out of curiosity perhaps how a person dissects the inner corners of her cerebellum to illustrate the twisted dimensions of her dementia. Or maybe it is such a rare occurence that you witness a person mutilate her own thoughts to cater to the mental disturbances that keeps me alive and reaching out to the so called "normal" beings of earth? Why am I reaching out to you? Are you fucking sure that you are normal?

Funny though that after such radical taunts questioning your sanity, you are still able to endure me. Im so sorry I dont have anything more to tell you, and I apologize for the bleeding cuts that my insensible words slashed thru the filaments of your humanity.

2003-02-02T21:06:00.000-08:00

borderline

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-01-30T00:26:00.000-08:00

I feel crappy.

I've read his post on USTExchange about some the spoofed song of TLC no scrubs and I feel like it is directly aimed at me. Does it goes to show that I'm some sort of a pigeon? *really sad* I'm having a real hard time trying to get this feeling over and done with and still I'm trying. I haven't been able to free this sentiment that is keeping me prison for the past weeks and I'm so darn sick and tired of suffering.

There is no more room for tears in my eyes. I must have drained it a long time ago. But why are these kind of sentiments overflowing and not drained yet?

I know this is a waste of valuable web space but what can I do? I have to vent this else it will swallow me.

2003-01-28T21:14:00.000-08:00

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

so I think that adds up my "GIRLFRIEND WORTH". Sorry for that dumbass.

2003-01-28T19:11:00.000-08:00

Im A Goddess of The Moon

What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-01-28T19:04:00.000-08:00

Yes, new background! Look at how dashingly handsome Tamahome is. Lucky Miaka..I though I found the Tamahome of my life, but it turned out that my eyesight is not as good and ended up with a Doraemon instead.I will find my Tamahome promise.Maybe even someone looking like Hotohori.

Why can't I just draw my own man? Those animes are a lot more good looking than real guys. Even mojacko is way cuter than *chimpanzee*. And now I've realized.. why was I pining over that guy? He doesn't even have one redeeming quality.He isn't really cute. Or whatever. I'll stop before people think I'm being bitter.

Good news.. I haven't shed tears for him.. not even one. yes, I'm getting good at this!

2003-01-27T00:58:00.000-08:00

took this test

err.. romantic?

What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-01-26T19:48:00.000-08:00

History tends to repeat itself.

Just how utterly stupid can I get? Having faced the same predicament time and time again, I should've been able to protect myself from such inflictions of pain. I said I'm strong, he is not my loss and I won't wallow in solitude..

But how come this sense of despair grips me and envelops me in its embrace? I know that what I'm feeling is the loss of attention, the loss of feeling that there is someone out there who loves me, the assurance that my existence matter to someone..

Did I love the guy? Maybe, but now I'd come to realize that I was more in love with the feeling of being in love.

Think of the bright side. I keep telling myself that. Just think of the other guys who will offer you the love, respect and acceptance that you yearn for.

Maybe then these words signify that I am a strong person. That I don't really give a damn now that he is out of my life. That I have my chin up and stand amongst crowds because I am somebody.. not just anybody.

And for that I think I deserve an oscar. Just like how the song "Breakdown" by Maria ingeniously narrates the things that goes on through my brain. I might have called him an asshole (coz he really is an asshole), but seems like I'm a loser too.

Did I say I wanna die?

I did, only now.. I really want to. Now where is that goddamn blade?

2003-01-24T02:16:00.000-08:00

Prelim exams are over.

And so is a tumultous relationship with him. hay, when will i ever get tired of trying to look for the perfect and the right one? So many questions but the answers are so few...

I still love him though, but I can't bear the way he treats me this time. I've got my pride and I will hold on to it this time.. as if its the only thing that I have right now. I am not going to wallow.. because it would only cost me precious bodily liquids. I may be down but hey, I will find someone new. Someone better. Someone who would really love me and respect me and would never call me madada .

If he thinks I'm going to cry over him and try to wait.. mah azz

2003-01-23T18:55:00.000-08:00

Going.... going ... gone..

He just called it quits.

sonnuvabitch

2003-01-22T21:41:00.000-08:00

A song was playing on the radio earlier and in its lyrics popped out the question I've been trying to ask myself for the past weeks.

Should I stay or should I go?

It's not really up to me to decide on that. I mean, I love the guy. Letting go would kill me literally. But then what is the point of prolonging a relationship when one side has a sudden change of heart? Why avoid the inevitable?

I'm sick and tired. Not of loving him but of trying to make the relationship work out. It is hard for me already that he is a thousand miles away and bridging that gap was never an easy task. I try to reach out but he refuses to answer the other end of the line.

I am only human and I have my limits too. I loved him to such extent that I'm starting to forget leaving something for myself.

I haven't heard of his side of the story and it would be so unfair to judge things this drastic.. but err...

should I stay or should I go?

2003-01-21T19:25:00.000-08:00

Apathy. Indifference. I consider it as a disease that has infested the people and I don't really blame them. We are living in a detestable community revolving around scarcity and adversity. Though the population booms and gets the nation a wee bit more congested, truth its we are distanced from each other.

What happened that other day is probably just a feeler to tug at my overly sensitive hearstrings. I should just forget about those eyes and moon over the bigger things in the life like my accounting exam tomorrow.. the issue with baby (read! heartache) or simply envisioning the "me" in the future. But everytime I try to shun away those troubling pair of eyes, the more was I reminded of the opportunity to have braved the odds and lend a helping hand. Maybe if I'm not too concerned with getting blood on my white uniform or if I didn't give a freaking damn if they say I've lost my mind (the fact that I'm really losing it is irrelevant) I could've done something. It's not about being heroic or something, rather dealing with my own feelings and rid my system of apathy and indifference.

And what if, that person was me? What would I do? I'd probably stare at the same night sky and implore... implore the heavens to conspire to spare me the burden of living. I'd pray that the impact of the vehicle to my body be fatal enough to end my very existence. Then the population would have decreased with one worthless individual. One less mouth to feed.. one less brain to corrupt.

So it is just another casualty of road accidents. What is the big deal?

Deal is.. He is still human. Deranged or not. And we, imprisoned in apathy, act like we are not. We are nothing more than a petty handful of dirt trying to pretend that we are diamonds amongst grime.

Deal is... I can't do anything about it.

2003-01-21T02:26:00.000-08:00

uh... i messed everything up.. can't change the template coz the template part was down.. damn!!!!!!!!! i hate this...

2003-01-21T00:42:00.000-08:00

argghhh I messed with the lay out again

sorry guys

2003-01-20T20:00:00.000-08:00

On the arduous journey home late last night, was an incident that has etched a painful picture in my memory.

I was seated in the cushioned comforts of a Revo and I was trying to doze off to catch the zzz's I am going to lose this prelim week. The blur of the neon lights made me so nauseous that I can barely make out any image from my vision. A flurry of white whirred by and my head smashed to the window (so much for the use of the seatbelt).

I stepped out of the vehicle dazed and confused, and my eyes caught a distinctive stain on the pavement. It was blood. THe blood came from a man in a vagabond's clothes, face and hair littered with soot .... and now blood. A man they call as "grasa" or "baliw". He was sort of still and rigid, though he was alive. His misty eyes and pursed lips stood as the testimony to the agony brought about by the fractured bones and concussions he must have garnered. His eyes were transfixed to the night sky, imploring probably...

I stood jaws dropped at such reality looming right before me. I can see a growing crowd of curious onlookers standing and watching. Just standing and watching and murmuring dialogues along the lines of "tatanga tanga kasi" or "nasiraan ng ulo nagtatatakbo sa highway . Just that, watching a surreal scene of a demented man dying in excruciating pain.

I came to my senses and realized that I should be calling for help. I wanted to scream "call an ambulance!" but I couldn't find my voice. Maybe it had drowned in this sea of apathy and indifference. I don't know, it seemed like if I scream out for help, I'd be stealing the tag and the spotlight of "insanity".

Finally a few men took hold of his limbs and dropped him off the sidewalk, very much like the way men would carry a carcass of dog. Probably only due to the traffic jam he is causing that he did merit that kind of treatment. I boarded the vehicle reluctant to go home. Through the tined glass panels of the window, I saw his eyes wander from the night sky into mine, as though the tint would not deter his vision of me...

and those eyes haunted me for the rest of the night....

2003-01-20T02:48:00.000-08:00

I think I've done so much for the day.. Imagine all this in just one afternoon?? and I even got exams for tomorrow.. Geez (read! CYBER JUNKIE)

see y'all tomorrow

2003-01-20T00:43:00.000-08:00

hay.. I just feel so empty now. :(
Hell, when will I get over this feeling. It's just that I never expected this things to turn up this way. I was just so used in the assurance that that person will always be there when I need him. Err.. I'm so darn wrong...

2003-01-19T22:41:00.000-08:00

just took this test today

You are worth exactly: $1,467,544.00.

i should be a millionaire if i sell myself..
and it can even go up if i place myself in the auctions.. hehe

2003-01-19T19:00:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here in this secluded closet and thinking.. not really thinking but just staring into space and doing nothing... nothing except try to get hold of my sanity before it slips away.

I'ts noisy here, though the only sounds I hear is the tick of the clock above me. My brain screams out words that I try to decipher. I dont understand it really. I feel so locked in.

And now what if I die? Right in front me is the blade that I use to shape my eyebrows. I'm practically imagining it do fissures on my wrist, dripping blood and all.

I want to die

But I'm afraid to do so.

But I really want to die. If I am not this chicken that I am, I would have decapitated myself long before I have the chance to write here. The time spent dangling in the edges of my sanity is up and cutting it would liberate me from the claws that I so struggled to control in my norm.

Can somebody just point that gun and blast it off at me.. so I can finally shut up? please?

2003-01-18T20:37:00.000-08:00

i have to publish something so i can have this subdomain
>_<
ill work this out this monday promise

bear with me ^_^